Ten years ago, I landed a summer job at a daycare. I was studying fashion design at the time so working with children was really not the path I had expected for myself.
Looking back now, I see that it was fate that brought me to this job because it was necessary that I meet her.
It's said that the fears we do not face become our limits.
One of my biggest fears has always been showing my vulnerability. I was scared of what people would think, scared they would feel sorry for me, scared they would use it to hurt me, scared that if I accepted love and compassion I wouldn't be able to be strong and keep going. I was scared that once I said what I was going through out loud I could never take it back and I'd feel exposed.
Sunday morning, I've been awake in since 3:00am. Eyes wide open, heart's beating so hard I'm not sure how my chest has managed to contain it yet I lie perfectly still. The ticking sound of the clock on my wall has made the passing time feel like an eternity. Thoughts going a million miles per minute and the big question; what's next ?
Remember when I told you I'm not one for boring ? By the time 7:00am rolled around, I could have done what I did every other day. Take my shower, make my coffee, open up my laptop and apply to jobs. Have you ever looked for a job in January ? Don't ! It is the slowest, worst possible time to do so. I was well aware of this before and normally in the past I would have planned it all differently. I wouldn't have even left my current job without another lined up. However a series of events threw off my usual planning so I've been winging it.
A little over two years ago I met a boy like no other boy I've met before. I was in this small vegan restaurant on my lunch break with my boss when he and his brother sat down next to us and they all started to chat. He kept looking at me, asking me questions, but I couldn't get more than one or two words out at a time. I was so shy my cheeks were flushed, like embarrassing high school girl in awe kind of flushed. As they got up to leave he reached into his pocket, looked me straight in the eyes, and handed me his business card. His gaze was so piercing my stomach felt as if I was in a car going down a steep hill.
"When nothing is planned, anything is possible"
I've always loved this quote. It's been on a sticky note on my mirror along with a few others for as long as I can remember. But what happens when you've planned everything and nothing goes according to plan? Oh ya ... they call that LIFE.
The plan was perfect! Nothing out of the ordinary; advance in my career, make more money, get married, move into house with the white picket fence, get dog. Seemed easy enough. I played by all the rules. But guess what ? There are no rules! That contract you thought you made with God, it doesn't exist.